New Beginnings

Ps 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

Our new baby is well. I am so excited to report that we had our first ultrasound yesterday and heard the precious heartbeat of our new child. It feels like a dream. To have carried the weight of loss for the last few months and now to be in a place of gain...it is almost beyond my ability to enjoy! I am so thankful for ALL that God has done for us. He gave us Judah for a time and now we have the precious life for a time. It is so comforting to know that God ordained all of my days...but not just mine, also my babies' (all of them).

With a hopeful heart! Ash

Overflowing with Thankfulness

Colossians 2:6-7 "So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and OVERFLOWING WITH THANKFULNESS."

It's that time of year again. It's time to remember to be THANKFUL!! Isn't it sad that I need a day of the year to remember to be thankful for all of the wonderful things I have been blessed with in this life?! Oh well. Here we are again. Today, I am so thankful because I got a call from my doctor and my hormones are acting just like they should!! They went from 250 on Thurs of last week to 1400 on Mon!! YEAY!! We are hardly out of the woods yet, but starting off with good news. So, for this, I am so thankful!! I am thankful for Matt. He is the best husband in the universe!! I am blessed to have him beside me as we walk this journey of life. I don't even want to start on all the ways that being his wife is a blessing...we'll just leave it at that. I am also so thankful for my family. I am so excited to go to Arkansas for the holiday and sit down for many great meals with people I love and who love me too!! What a blessing!! We only have a few disfunctions, but for an American family today, we are perfect (somewhat). I am so very thankful for our church family. They have really carried us through this year! We have moved 3 times since we got to New Orleans, and they have been there for each of those moves. We have had help in remodeling. and we didn't spend one moment of our loss without love and support. I couldn't ask for more!! And on top of it all as the thing I am MOST thankful for...JESUS! Need I say more?? He came to earth and didn't just die for me, but he also lived for me. He was born and stayed in a manger (GOD HIMSELF). He walked this earth for 33 years living out God's plan for Him. He was tested and tempted (probably more than me because Satan saw what a threat He was!) and he proved faithful and true, sinless! WOW! Most of all, He loves me so much, there is nothing He wouldn't do...Acts 17:26b-27 "...he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us." That is an amazing thought...He orchestrates my life so I will reach out to Him! That is how much He wants a relationship with me!
I am thankful! Thankful for everything.

A Time to Dance

Ecc. 4:4 4 "...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to DANCE..."
Our season for dancing has begun. We found out today that we are now expecting our 2nd child. We are more than excited to see what God has in store for our family. It has been a rough journey, but I am confident that God's plan is to prosper us and not to harm us (Jeremiah 29:11-13). We may not always understand how it is to prosper us...but it always is. I am conviced that all that He does in my life is to bring me closer to Him...and I know that this 2nd pregnancy, just like the first, is meant to do just that!!
Pray for us to believe and not doubt (Mark 11:23 and James 1:6) and to trust our God enough to say, like Christ (Matthew 26:42), "...your will be done."

P.S. We were pregnant on our due date and before Summer was born! We just didn't know it! Isn't God good?! He anwered my prayer! :)

Patience is a Fruit!

Galatians 5:22 - "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness..."

matt did not get the officer program that we were counting on. so is life for us right now. we are just in a "no" time of life right now. learning that all important lesson that things don't always go as planned.

we are still waiting on God in the area of baby...but i know it will come in it's time. i had just hoped the time would be before my due date for Judah of 11/6. oh well...another of those life lessons. we will have to see matt's brother's baby born without the conception of ours. please pray for us as this is a really tough time.

the good news...

we are starting a singles' bible talk! we are really excited about that!! i know they will keep us busy...and focused on the most important things in life.

i am trying to plan the church Christmas party!! i really have no idea what i'm doing, but i am doing it with all my heart!!

we know and trust that God's plan for us is going to come in His time!! we will do our best to be patient as we wait on Him.

Suffering produces Perseverence

Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Wow!! I have not had time to breathe since we got home late Sunday night. We had a super great weekend. It was so good for me to get out and go to my sister-in-law's shower. It was tough getting my heart ready for it, as she is due on the same day I was, but it was so good to go and be with her and enjoy a great time in her life. I did a lot of crying leading up to it, but once I was there I had so much peace and I didn't even think about crying!! YEAY!!

It is so neat to see how God is working through this tough time in my life to develop my character and focus me on hope. I know this weekend had to come for me to move past the suffering and into hope.

Work

Colossians 3:23 - "Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men..."

Ok. I officially have co-workers as of a week ago, I had NONE. One had worked for the company in the past...so, she will settle in quickly and the other is really nice. he has been working on CAD and trying to be helpful as we all scurry around getting ready for Alicia (my last co-worker) to leave (today is her last day). I am finding it hard to let her go...i think it is partly due to the fact that she was here with me through all of the difficulties i have had in losing the baby and working on the house...she has really become a special friend and i am truly going to miss her. ok...enough of that!!

home is good. we have been having people over, in spite of the fact that more than half of our 1500 sq ft house is unusable...but who cares!! we have a kitchen and a living room with couches and a tv, cable and a wii...that is all one needs to entertain!! Right?! I am hoping i can get some work done this weekend...but who knows. we are supposed to be getting the rest of our granite and our appliances. we should be in good shape...

well, i better get to work...in obedience to the verse above and since i am one of the few people who knows what they are doing here!!

Refreshed

Philemon 1:7 - "Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have REFRESHED the hearts of the saints."

Our hearts were truly refreshed this weekend.

Our brother Damien was in town from Iraq (for a 2 week leave). The church threw a party for him. It was so good to see him again.

We had some great volunteers from HOPE in town this weekend and that was encouraging...

and on Sunday afternoon, we took a quick trip over to Florida with some of our closest friends, tammica and frank. it was so nice to get away...even though it rained on our one day to get out and have fun...oh well. we still made the best of the trip. got to spend some time on the beach and watched a movie...Rush Hour 3 for the girls and War for the guys.

It is so wonderful to have these times. We will never forget the blessings God sent us this weekend. We are refreshed and forever thankful!!

Griefs of ALL kinds

1 Peter 1: 6-7 "In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

It's so funny because nothing can go right right now. It is one thing after another. Since we lost our baby we have not had a moment to breathe. Last night I got home to find our toilet leaking in the mother-in-law house where we stay right now and then as I started cooking dinner, I found a puddle on the floor in the kitchen. It seems our kitchen sink has been leaking for a while because it has ruined the wood cabinets underneath.

It is almost comical how our life has been for the last couple of months, but we are able to laugh and continue going...how? I ask myself that question all the time. I can only say it is by the grace of God that I still have hair...It must be the peace of Christ (John 16:33). I can tell you the only thing keeping me sane is prayer...and it is something i HAVE to do 20 times a day. God is the only stable thing I have to cling to.

We are trucking along with the house. Thursday the granite guy comes to measure. We should have a kitchen in no time!! YEAY! and the living room is only a coat of paint away from being ready for furniture. So, we are making progress.

And I am just taking life one day at a time. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?! Trying to focus on the end of the scripture above "...may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed." It is worth it all if Christ is glorified.

Suffering

Romans 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that SUFFERING produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

Back to work. It is amazing how comforting a little structure is for me. Life at home is quite hectic...and the weekends are full of tiling and installing new appliances. Although, I can't complain. I am never more happy than when I think of living in our beautiful remodeled home. I would just like for that day to come quicker.

This weekend was a productive one. We tied up some loose ends with the bank and finished tiling our kitchen. Now, I just have to fix a problem with the grout and we will be finished with the kitchen floor!

I had a rough Sunday. I am still recovering from my broken heart. Any of you who read this, please pray for Matt and me. We are both handling the hurt so differently, but we are both hurting. I find that I handle the week ok and then I get to church on Sunday and cry-cry-cry. He is just sad. He thinks of it at random times and buries his hurt. I know this chapter in our lives will always hurt, but I also know that everything happens for a reason. And God promises to never give us more than we can handle.

It is so good to know that suffering produces character and hope. I am looking forward to character and hope!!

Treasure

Matthew 6:19-21 "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. Ok. So, there's never a dull moment with us right now. If something could go wrong it will...which is not really true, but feels so true!

The water heater flame will not light. Matt has worked on it every night this week, and nothing is happening. We went to home depot last night and asked what to do, and they said the life of a water heater is only 7-10 years...we got home and found ours to be 11 years old...So, today, we have to go buy a new water heater and replace the old one...which is a big hassle because it is a gas water heater!! That means it is a lot of work!

The tile floors did not get laid last night...so, guess what we are doing tonight?! I only have a small piece left to lay...then sticky tiles in the laundry, and we are finished for the appraiser to come on friday! but obviously not truly finished because after he leaves we have to pull up the sticky tiles and clean the floor to lay more porcelain tiles...I am hoping we can finish the laundry tiles this weekend and be finished tiling for a while.

I wish I could say it stops there, but it doesn't. We also found out last night that somehow in our closing the money in escrow for our home owners insurance and flood insurance never made it to our insurance company...and they are about to take legal action...SCARY!! Matt has to clear all that up today. Thank God for Matt!!

We did get one tid bit of good news. We found out that the appraiser made an error in our favor..and our home is probably worth quite a bit more than he appreaised it for. YEAY for mistakes!!

A Time to Mourn

Ecc. 3:1-4 - 1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die...a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance..."

This is a blog I pulled from my myspace blog, posted 7/18/07. I wanted to catch all up to date on our life...

6/18/07 - we went in for our normal 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of our baby...we found out he was a boy..and he was healthy...all of the fingers and toes and organs in the right place...but there was something wrong with my cervix. but at that point they felt ok to send me home on bed rest until the next morning when i would come in to meet with the specialist. i went to miss tracy's house (a friend from church) to spend the day being pampered and doing NOTHING. about 1 i started having some light cramping, but nothing too traumatic and i just ignored it, but by 2 it was pretty painful and becomming more frequent. so, i packed up to go back to the hospital. i arrived at labor and delivery around 2:30-3 and they immediately put me on sterroids and some medication to stop contracting...as that is what they thought was going on, but weren't sure how...so, i stayed pretty comfortably until 6 hours later when the meds would run out and i would immediately need more. matt arrived and the doctor came. he doubted i was in labor, as that would not be typical, but he kept me on all of the medication until i could meet with the specialist in the morning.
6/19/07 - we spent the entire morning waiting for the doctor. at this point we assumed i would need surgery to close the cervix and keep the baby in until full term. i had not been allowed to eat since i checked in...by this time my hunger was quite significant and i was MAD!! the doctor was scheduled to arrive at 8, but didn't until 1. he did an ultrasound only to tell us that there was nothing he could do and for me to carry the baby long enough for it to be viable would be a miracle. we cried and prayed and waited. it was only about 30 minutes later when all H-E-L-L broke loose. my water broke and out came about 3 gallons and it wasn't long after that the baby was coming feet first. and after 2 hours of labor he was there...not him, just his little body because when my water broke, his lungs couldn't handle the air. we spent the next few hours crying and visiting with friends. we did hold him for a while and talk with him. it was such a hard experience...he was a whole little man with fingernails and all...so precious...but he was gone. anyway. we had no time to grieve. we had to decide his name...where we would bury him...and fill out the death certificate information...oh, and i forgot to say, we had to decide if we were buying our new (old) home. our poor realtor was trying to stay out of the way, but she needed to know...
6/20/07 - they released me from the hospital and my mom arrived in town with her friend karen. we spent time with them talking and crying. it was rough.
6/24/07 - we had the funeral and buried him with Matt's dad in Pocahontas, AR. everyone was there...even my brother flew in for it. it was so special to share our hearts with our family and receive their comfort.
6/26/07 - my dad and i boarded the plane from little rock to dallas. it was a normal flight and we waited for our plane from dallas to new orleans...it never came!! that was a nightmare...
6/27/07 - we finally got a flight out from dallas to new orleans...dad spent the day with us. we had our final walk through on the house and started packing. dad left around 3. the church family came around 7 to help us pack. it was amazing. they all worked so hard and we got 90 percent of our pod packed up. thank GOD for our church family!!
6/28/07 - packing packing packing
6/29/07 - a few friends came over and helped us finish up...
6/30/07 - we rented a uhaul and moved our stuff over..that was an all day task. ben and kenneth took the truck to unload some stuff at their house around 10pm and it broke down 3 times on the way there. we came out to the last place the broke down to wait on the mechanic. it was on a busy 4 lane road at an intersection...it was CRAZY!! we ended up giving up on the mechanic at around 2am and charged up the battery one last time to get over to their house and unload.
7/1/07 - we had house church...which was nice...because the group was much smaller. i made it through...with only a few people sticking their foot in their mouths. after church we had lunch with june and angela for their birthdays and i went home. matt managed to get the uhaul truck back, thank god that was over.
7/2/07-7/9/07 - time off work. cashio, cochran was so good to let me have plenty of time to grieve. i mostly spent my time off moving in, but it was a blessing to be home. also, this week we spent helping out church's new leadership staff get settled. we helped them move in and buy some big items they needed for their new home.
7/9/07-7/12/07 - this week was tough...i was really emotional at the end of the day. i would leave the office and cry the entire way home. i am so fortunate to have some friends who don't work outside of the home so they were able to be there for me. also, our new women's ministry leader was able to be there for me. God truly surrounded me with the women i needed.